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Dishing the dirt on extra-marital sex




About DJC

The older I get, the less I know and the more inquisitive I get.

Unfortunately, despite a lifelong search, most of the answers elude me. That said, I love to ask the questions and fuel the debates that will ultimately lead us all to a better understanding of the big issues in life, the universe and everything.

They say that we spend 98% of our lives in our head. I for one would like to use that time as effectively as possible.


Some 96 percent of married people believe they are in monogamous relationships. Yet that's far from the reality.

You could be excused for thinking, based on everyday conversation, that extra-marital sex is uncommon.

Extra-marital activities seem to be way more common than many think.

Extra-marital activities seem to be way more common than many think. Picture: Shutterstock

If you mix in polite company, as I almost always do, you would certainly draw the conclusion that affairs are uncommon - based on the comments offered by members of both genders, .

Some 96 percent of married people believe that they are in a monogamous relationship, according to the Australian Study of Health and Relationships (ASHR).

Read more from DJC: Was life really any better back then?

How about you? Do you think that extra-marital sex is uncommon? 

Well, if you do, you'd be wrong!

 Research published by Sexual Health Australia shows that:

  • 60 percent of men admit having extra-marital sex
  • 45 percent of women admit to having extra-marital sex
  • In 70 percent of all marriages, one and/or both partners have extra-marital sex

For many, I can imagine these figures are alarming. They are even more so when you consider that these were the incidences of extra-marital sex admitted to in a survey. It is likely that the real figure is higher.

Is Casual Sex Bad For You? | Dr. Zhana Vrangalova | TEDxCollegeofWilliam&Mary


These figures clearly suggest that adultery is common among men and women, although it is more common among men, but occurs in nearly three-quarters of marriages at least once.

To make this even more amazing, ASHR research found that:

  • The average number of partners over their lifetime reported by men is 18
  • The average number of partners reported over their lifetime by women is 8

These figures may well be falsely reported, but there is evidence to suggest they are not. Men are apparently more promiscuous than women, but women are not that far behind and are apparently catching up.

What about homosexual sex? Well, the ASHR reports the following findings:

  • The average number of male partners for men over a lifetime is 3
  • The average number of female partners for women is 0.3
  • The average number of male partners for a gay man is 96
  • The average number of female partners for a gay woman is 3

So, it seems that men are more likely to have homosexual sex than women. They are also more likely to have more partners. The average number of partners for a homosexual man is nothing short of astounding, at least to me.

So, have you been ‘faithful’?

Of course, having extra-marital sex does not necessarily mean you are unfaithful. I have a number of friends in polyamorous relationships, where they have more than one regular sexual partner and do so being 100% transparent with all parties involved. In these relationships, there is not only an acceptance of extra-marital sex, but the expectation of it.

Furthermore, in the relationships I know of it occurring, it seems to work pretty well. Even the children seem to accept it.

There is a school of thought that another form of extra-marital sex, not addressed in any of the data thus far presented here, is masturbation. There are those, not including me, who would suggest that masturbation is akin to being unfaithful.

So how common is masturbation?

ASHR research suggests as follows:

  • 72% of men say that they masturbated in the previous 12 months
  • 42% of women say that they masturbated in the previous 12 months
  • Of those who did masturbate, the average for men was 6 times in the last month and for women it was 3.

So, what do you think? Do these figures ring true for you? Have you had an extra-marital affair?

It's interesting stuff, don’t you think?

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