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What? No sex life?

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About DJC

The older I get, the less I know and the more inquisitive I get.

Unfortunately, despite a lifelong search, most of the answers elude me. That said, I love to ask the questions and fuel the debates that will ultimately lead us all to a better understanding of the big issues in life, the universe and everything.

They say that we spend 98% of our lives in our head. I for one would like to use that time as effectively as possible.

In part three of this series on alternative ''power-exchange'' relationships, we explore the sex lives of Sir James (Jim) and his slave, Sandra.

I've already introduced you to Jim and his property, Sandra, whom I met along with Pat and her property, Bill. Jim and Pat were smartly dressed while Sandra and Bill were on their knees -- naked, collared and leashed.

Sandra's role is to fulfill Jim's every want and need.

Sandra's role is to fulfill Jim's every want and need. Picture: Shutterstock

In part two, we learned a little more about the lives of Sir James (Jim) and his wife Sandra, who is also his slave in a power-exchange arrangement. At last conclusion, I indicated that we were about to talk sex, and we will.

So, after discussing life at home, responsibilities and rules, we moved on to the subject of sex, and I asked Sandra about the characteristics of her sex life with Jim. She indicated that this was a subject she was not permitted to discuss.

When I asked Jim why this was so, it gave rise to an interesting answer.

Jim indicated that he and Sandra did not have a sex life.

Amazing, I thought, but there was more.

He indicated that while he had a sex life, Sandra's was a ‘service life’ -- and her role in the relationship was to act in a way that provided Jim with satisfaction, in every sense, including sexually.

''I use Sandra as I please, when I please,'' Jim said.

Responding to the quizzical look on my face, he went on: ''I own her!''

Sandra simply smiled, with apparent pride.

I was, of course, then bound to ask what it was that he wanted -- and when.

Jim indicated that in the main, his needs and tastes were not that different to those of most other men, as he understood them to be. But he did note that he gained sexual pleasure from his power over Sandra, her absolute obedience and the fact that she never wore clothes at home, just her collar and leash. 

He noted that Sandra was required to stay fit, healthy and clean shaven. He said Sandra tended to be more responsive as a result of her not being allowed to orgasm without permission.

Jim added that Sandra had to be available at all times to act in any way that gave him pleasure and that she was forbidden from thinking about her own pleasure. He went on to say that he found his sex life very much to his satisfaction.

Beyond this, it appeared that there was very little about Jim’s sex life that was especially unusual. He indicated with some vehemence that his relationship with Sandra was not about sex and didn’t even find its foundation in sex.

''This is all about power exchange and sex is only a very small part of it,’’ Jim exclaimed.

So, I asked Jim about this power and it turned out that it was very close to absolute. Certainly, it was profound.

When asked about this, Sandra said: ''I do what I am told when I am told. Sir Jim does all of the thinking and makes all of the decisions.

''I simply obey, and I know exactly what will happen if I don’t.''

This takes us back to the issue of punishment, addressed in part two in this series. It also reinforces the point that the power and authority in this relationship lies with Jim, Sir James.

I asked both Jim and Sandra, how healthy this relationship dynamic was.

Not surprisingly, both were of the view that it was entirely so.

This was because both parties chose it, were comfortable with the dynamic, enjoyed the outcomes and were generally happy. They said that neither party had a history of mental illness, child abuse of any kind of physical abuse -- and Sandra certainly did not consider Jim at all abusing.

Jim noted that Sandra need only say no and it would stop. But she doesn’t.

Sandra also noted that their relationship was not based on any traditional gender roles.

“This has nothing to do with me being female and Sir being male, so the feminists can take a rest,'' she said.

I believed her and the point was emphasised by the close friendship Sir James and his slave had with Lady Patricia and her slave.

From the end of my conversation with Jim and Sandra, I respected the strength and common purpose in their relationship.

That said, Jim and Sandra certainly have an interesting relationship.

In my view, however, it is not as interesting as the relationship between Lady Patricia and her slave, Bill.

It seems that Pat is a lot stricter and a more physically forceful than Sir James, but more about that in part four of this series.

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