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The tale of my missus and the stinky pie

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About Dave

The Adventures of Dave and Ellen as we travel this big place they call Oz. You can follow us at is to travel the roads of Australia in a safe manner to explore and see what and when we want and meeting others doing the same..

Ever eaten a dodgy pie, or something even worse, on the road? You'll chuckle at what happened to these grey nomads.

Topic of the Week: The Tale of My Missus and the Stinky Pie

Well hello,

Scallop Pie.

Scallop Pie

Yes, I'm back again this week. You see, when you travel your time is your own. So when something happens, I'm able to write about it.

With our adventures along the road, every week I write up a blog and when I can include a funny or strange story from our travels, I do. And guess what, I have a good one this week.

Some of you may require a few things before I start, so I will give you time to get a bucket and towel, which you may need on standby for this story.

Ok, are you back and ready?

For some time once we headed into Melbourne, my wife was told that once we reached Tasmania, she should try the best food they had .... a scallop pie.

I was dubious. I'm a real Aussie and to have a fish pie is a big no-no. For me, only meat pies qualify and  I can let a pie with peas or potatoes slide. But a fish pie, really?

So I was hopeful that maybe we wouldn't come across any because being so popular, venues always run out. I'm sort of still feeling a little green here ……….., so will try not to think about it too much as I push on.

Read more from Dave Smith: How we sold up and hit the wide, open road

Today, while out down near Beaconsfield heading out to Beauty Bay, we pass a café with a sign out front advertising, dare I say it, scallop pies. Herself spots it and so in I go to get one, hoping they are out.

After much to and fro because we were a little early for lunch, the lady agrees to heat up one for her.

Now these things are $10 each and about half a family pie in size, so about 10 minutes later she comes out with a brown paper bag. I thought that was for some other reason but no, it had the said pie in it --double-bagged as well, it seemed.

So into the car now. I was silly to think she was going to wait til we got back to van to eat it. Nope, she opens the bag and into it she bites ... just about then I got a good smell of it, and it smells like old fishing bait.

She is giving me a running chat on this thing and I am slowly going a shade lighter from the smell. Now I'm driving and she pulls out one of the main things, sticking it in front of me and saying, 'they have scallops in here, see!' Well, it looks like a green thing that lives in your hankie when you have a bad flu.

Sorry, I will wait til you get cleaned up ………

My God, the smell was getting worse as well. It was like she'd been fishing all night without washing her hands.

Meanwhile, she is still into this thing and seems to be enjoying it. All is quiet for a while and I drive along with the window down, leaning almost right out of it, when she says she's had enough.

I glance over and pale is the word. She is looking a little off. I'm thinking geez that pie must be rich and after eating the whole huge thing, it looks like it is coming back up for her to have seconds.

Not only did the pie smell, now she was breathing the aftermath all over me as well.

She was making noises that were not good and I was going to have to stop, or face potentially having the car in for a re-fit.

But she settled down after a little while and I thought it was going OK until she burped, and my head was back out the window again. I needed to stop.

We got out and visited a place. We were out for 30 minutes but even so, back at the car and after opening the door the fish bait smell was still there -- and not nice. I got in and we drove off to the van, where I knew I had some smelly oil that could definitely kill the worse smells.

Meanwhile, the queen of being able to cough, burp and do unlady-like smells was proving her exceptional talent.

But just as we got back to the van, the full flush of the stinky pie came rushing to the surface.

Needless to say, I have bombed the smell, but there will be no more future testing of pies in the car. 

See you next week,


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